Mallam Yahaya & The Rest of Us
Whatever definition anyone want to ascribe to the word “news”, journalist would never fail to add to their definitions of news as what is new, odd, or unusual. Yes, our normal or routine daily activities might not constitute news. They are normal and not unusual; they are not odd. Odd news titillates every soul. Hence, journalists are more interested in odd news than usual ones. They are desperately in search of odd stories - the river that flows uphill, the ocean that runs dry, a woman that impregnates her husband, a dwarfish David that kills Goliath - a war-lord, a generalissimo - with a mere catapult. Yes, news must be new and strange to constitute new and to titillate the audience.
Up till today, I always remember those late-night distress calls in the 70’s from a mouthed-braggart tenant in our compound whenever he was being worsted by his slim-built wife. The young and old alike were always eager to break their sleep to watch the oddity under the pretext of waking up to mediate in the later-night dispute. News are the unexpected that turn real. They titillate to the marrow. That is the nature of news.
And so, every journalist treasures news to report, every journalist is a newshound and when he runs into a veritable news sources, he gets excited, he gets ecstatic, he is overwhelmed with success. A journalist’s best friend is his news source; a treasure that keeps him in business.
Bakori’s bizarre event sometime ago must have compulsorily caught the attention of many of our news hounding journalists all over Nigeria as much as it caught mine. Bakori is a small village in the old Katsina state in the northern part of Nigeria. The dramatis personae in the bizarre act would have automatically become a cynosure of all eyes were the Cable Network News (CNN) klieg lights beamed at them. One of them is a wonderful man with a robust bulldog-like strength and those of his ilk could be harnessed for the betterment and survival of every man and woman in our country, Nigeria.
Bakori, his place of abode should automatically occupy a dominant place in the Guinness Book of Records for having the singular honour and opportunity of in-habiting our man of such a high stature, strength and esteem.
I remember the Bakori village today with nostalgia. My last visit to the village was in the year 1989. Even though I had developed a phobia for long distance travels, someone very close to my heart had rejected all entreaties to serve the compulsory National Youth Service Corps Scheme (NYSC) in a nearby state where she was originally posted to serve the nation, after her graduation from the university. Rather, she loved to serve her fatherland in far away Bakori village. Hence, I was compelled to visit her in the village if only to drive home my “I love you” message which I had hammered for years ceaselessly without her taking me serious. It was in March of that year. While I enjoyed the peace and serenity of Bakori, the unusual cold weather sent me off from the village much earlier than I expected to take my leave. And I am inclined to think that the special personality that forms the subject of this feature must have been influenced by the cold weather effect culminating in his bizarre act.
Our man, Mallam Yaya, is a very important personality (VIP) by a unique standard. If wealth were the only index of measuring VIPism, Mallam Yaya would not be qualified; for he is not in the nouveeau riche class. Our man earned the “Very Important Personality” honorific tag for himself by simply acting odd.
Mallam Yaya, who is neither a celibate nor a misogynist, is a proud owner of a herds of cattle and must have, for long time been making some love overtures to two most beautiful cows in his herd. Love overtures maker only delights when his target responds positively to such overtures. Because it is only then that what lawyers call “consensus ad idem” viz, the “agreement of two minds occurs.” The two cows grew lustful desires for Mallam Yaya and could not hide their unfettered love and amorous feeling for their young and handsome master. We now know that not only men can be amorous, cows too who need and cherish love can also develop amorous feelings. The desire to consummate and solidify the love between the man and his cows became irresistible.
And so, on a fine Thursday morning the deep love between Mallam Yaya The Great blossomed to the zenith point. Yaya tied down the two beloved cows in a corner. Then he reasoned he needed some privacy. He looked left and right, and having been certain there could be no intrusion upon his much cherished privacy, he laid on his two ravishing cows in succession and had carnal knowledge of them. Yes, a marathon sexual intercourse with two of his cows. Now who says the young Mallam does not deserve a fine place in the Guinness Book of Records?
The cows too love Yaya so much. They put up no resistance at all. No jealousy, no quibbling like women married to one man are apt to do. There was peace and equanimity while the action lasted. But alas! the Mallam’s supposed privacy suffered an intrusion. He was caught in the bizarre act and was quickly arraigned before a magistrate court.
But whoever does not like Mallam Yaya’s plea before the magistrate fails to appreciate his sense of humility. While in the dock before the magistrate court, Yaya neither put up any argumenti causa nor did he put up any argumeti ad baculinum. He immediately pleaded guilty to the charge. His alibi: he could not get a wife to show his love and satisfy his sexual urge.
Let all all of us be not apathetic to the Mallam’s sympathetic situation. For Yaya’s bizarre exploits confirms the veracity and potency of a popular psychologist’s theory. It is called Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory. The thorough understanding of his theory enables us to appreciate what motivates man to behave in some peculiar ways.
Maslow postulates that human needs are hierarchical and are identified in order of importance. The satisfaction of one need, hence gives rise to the next one on the needs hierarchy. The basic needs (i.e. physiological needs) must be satisfied before other needs, and these include food, shelter, clothing, sleep and sexual satisfaction.
Next on the hierarchy of human needs are security or safety needs, followed by affiliation needs, self esteem needs, and self actualization needs.
Indeed, Horald Koontz (et.al) emphasized the necessity for us to have a thorough appreciation of what motivates human to act either positively or otherwise when they wrote: “Human motives are based on needs, whether consciously or sub-conciously felt, Some are primary such as physiological requirements . . . other needs may be as secondary such as self-accomplishments, and self-assertion. As can be readily seen, these needs vary in intensity and overtime with various individuals.”
Mallam Yaya’s need to satisfy his sexual urge was intense, but could not get a wife to satisfy this need in a conventional and civilized manner. Hence, he went bestial and satisfied his need in an unorthodox way by mating with two of his cows. Yes, human motives - an inner state that energizes, actuates or moves, direct or channels our behaviours - are purely based on our needs.
When our youths become idle as a result of joblessness after graduating from colleges and universities, their self-actualization needs become unsatisfied. Thus, an inner state often actuates most of them to satisfy these needs in an unorthodox manner by learning the arts of perfecting crimes and social vices and engaging in unwholesome activities that do the society no good. When we wear our thinking caps, we shall stop thinking crookedly but positively and give due attention and regards to the needs of our youths and indeed, every individual. And by the time all our Mallam Yayas everywhere use their bulldog-like strength positively, especially to cultivate our fertile lands, foods shall be plenty for all and sundry.
Tunji Ajayi - a creative writer, author and biographer writes from Lagos, Nigeria
You must be logged in to post a comment.