IGBOHO’S UNBRIDLED ALTRUISM: Filling the Void in Lethargic Governance By 'Tunji Ajayi
In “Mallam Yahaya & The Rest of Us”: (Nigerian Tribune, July 8, 1996), I related a bizarre story of a herdsman with queer conduct and the danger it portends on our national ethos; the excerpts of which I find apropos here as anecdote to buttress my view point on this subject. Therein I averred that our routine daily activities might not constitute news viz, an account of event. Our daily routines are often not unusual; they are not odd. But odd news titillates every soul. Hence, journalists are very interested in odd news. They are desperately in search of bizarre stories - the river that flows uphill, the ocean that runs dry, a woman that impregnates her husband, a dwarfish David that kills Mr. Goliath - a war lord; a generalissimo, with a mere catapult! Yes, amongst other determinants, a story should be new, odd or entertaining enough to constitute news and titillate the audience to be newsworthy.
Thus, up till today, I always remember those late-night distress calls in the 80’s from a mouthed-braggart tenant in our compound whenever he was being pummeled and worsted by his slim-built wife. The young and old alike were always eager to pause their sleep to watch the oddity under the pretext of mediating in the late-night dispute. What a free-entrance film show! News is the unexpected that turns real. They titillate far deep into the marrow. That is the nature of news. And so, every journalist treasures news to report. He is a newshound. And when he runs into a veritable news sources, he gets excited; he becomes ecstatic; he is overwhelmed with “success” like a man who just won a jackpot. A journalist’s best friend is his news source; a treasure that keeps him in business.
Bakori’s bizarre event sometime ago compulsorily caught the attention of many of our news-hounding journalists all over Nigeria as much as it caught mine. Bakori is a small village in the old Katsina State, in the northern part of Nigeria. The dramatis personae in the bizarre act would have automatically become a cynosure of all eyes, had the Cable Network News (CNN) klieg lights beamed on them. One of them was a wonderful man with a robust bulldog-like strength. Bakori ought to have automatically occupied a dominant place in the Guinness Book of Records for having the singular honour of being the scene of the bizarre event.
I was compelled to visit someone in the village in 1989, if only to drive home my “I love you” message which I had repeatedly stressed for years without her taking me serious. It was in March of that year. Hmmm. Good days are gone here! Perhaps it will require far more than forty days of fasting and prayers to travel by road from Lagos to Bakori today, a distance of about 825 km without ending in ransom-seeking kidnappers’ den! While I enjoyed the peace and serenity of Bakori, the unusually cold weather sent me off from the village much earlier than I had expected to take my leave. And I am inclined to think that the special personality that forms the anecdote of this feature must have been influenced by the cold weather effect that culminated in his bizarre act. Our man, Mallam Yaya, is a very important personality (VIP) by a unique standard. If wealth were the only index of measuring VIPism, Mallam Yaya would not be qualified for he is not in the nouveau riche class. Our man earned the VIP tag for himself by simply acting odd.
Mallam Yaya, who is neither a celibate nor a misogynist, is a proud owner of some herds of cattle and must have, for a long time, been making love overtures to two most beautiful cows in his herd. The love overtures maker is delighted only when his target responds positively to his pranks. The two ever-blushing cows also grew lustful desire for Mallam Yaya, and could not hide their unfettered love and amorous feeling for their young and handsome master. We now know that not only men can be amorous, cows too need and cherish love; and hence can be amorous. The desire to consummate and solidify the love between the Mallam and his cows became irresistibly stronger by the day. Love is strong. Yes.
And so, on a fine Thursday morning of May 9, 1996 the deep love between Mallam Yaya the Great blossomed to the zenith point. Yahaya tied down the two beloved cows in a corner. Then he reasoned he needed some privacy. He must have looked left and right; and having been certain there could be no intrusion upon his much cherished privacy, he mounted the two cows in succession and had carnal knowledge of them! Yes, a marathon sexual intercourse with two of his cows! Now who says the young Mallam does not deserve a fine place in the Guinness Book of Records?
The cows too love Yahaya so much. They put up no resistance at all. No jealousy, no quibbling like women married to one man often do. There was peace and equanimity while the action lasted. But alas! The Mallam’s supposed privacy suffered an intrusion. He was caught in the bizarre act and was quickly arraigned before a magistrate court. But whoever does not like Mallam Yahaya’s plea before the magistrate fails to appreciate his sense of humility. While in the dock before the magistrate court, Yahaya neither put up any argumenti causa nor did he put up any argumeti ad baculinum. He shifted no blame. He merely pleaded guilty to the charge.
Any lesson from the above? We often wonder why the lives of cows are held so sacred far more than the average human lives. But still unknown to many of us, most herders do not see their cherished possessions as mere cows. They often provide sexual satisfaction for most of them, especially while lonely in the thick bush, under tense and unbearable conditions; and they would even go to any extent of sacrificing their lives to protect them, just the same way a man would fight ferociously to protect the interest of his loving wife and life partner. The modern world shudders with disbelief why Nigerian herders would loathe worldwide acclaimed ranching but prefer obsolete grazing with its obvious attendant risks and health hazard, trekking from far away Sokoto, Bornu, Katsina etc down southwards to Igangan or Igboho in Oyo State, or Afikpo in Ebonyi State, covering several thousand kilometers in distance via the bush in harsh weather condition - merely to fend for cows in our 21st century of endless quest for development. If man’s environment impacts on his general conducts, why won’t such continued exposure transmute herders into animals and naturally get imbued with animalistic conducts? Thus, why won’t they have proclivity to murder, rape, behead and cannibalize? Beyond the vagaries of hyperbole, since Bakori’s bizarre event, many footages and photographs of herders having carnal knowledge of their cows have been flashed on the social media. Perhaps that makes cows so delicious that the herders often sell massively in thousands and make millions of naira daily at various abattoirs, especially in the Southern parts of the country. Anyway, to avoid being accused of slander of goods, let’s relish it on. On the question on “why has government been instituted at all”, an American statesman Alexander Hamilton, once provided an answer. Hear him: “Because the passion of men will not conform to the dictates of reason and justice, without restraint.” Do the President and his men realize this fact? Surprisingly, President Muhammadu Buhari himself, ironically keeps herds of cattle, which he nurtures by ranching method. But, perhaps imbued by ethnic chauvinism as being widely alleged, he often quibbles and latches into ambivalence by not telling his fellow herders, most of whom are alleged to be Fulani stock, the beauty of ranching, if only to discourage dangerous grazing which ostensibly has inflamed the hitherto peaceful nation for many years now. Thus, his government’s quibbling is causing fatal deaths of innocent farmers on their farmlands by the rampaging gun-toting cattle herders. This obviously may end up plaguing the whole nation into death-dealing famine of unimaginable proportion soon. What an avoidable calamity! Nature harbors vacuum, goes the aphorism. At the heels of the incessant killings, kidnapping, maiming and raping - partly attributed to incursion of farmlands, territory and villages by the itinerant herders came the intervention of one Sunday Adeyemo Igboho, a brave warlord of Modakeke-Ife unforgettable communal clashes. Though, neither an indigene nor war fighter, I was displaced by the internecine crises too, despite my love for the two cities. I saw the hell of the crises too, carrying a baby barely a week old out of the city via the bush path. For me, Sunday Igboho filled the void created by our government’s often descent into ambivalence and quibbling, feeling shy to act promptly when it matters most to tame the ember of bitterness and acrimony before they fester into utter disaster. Du minimis no curat lex so goes the legal maxim. While law does not take account of trifles, journalism and indeed creative writings do. Hence, writers’ short anecdotes often lend credence to their position. In understanding Sunday Igboho’s commendable gesture, permit me to throw in a repartee, but under which lies an intrinsic truism about human’s natural reasoning. After all, wise men, writers, historians, etc often make sense from mere jokes or even foolish talk.
That effervescent master of rib-cracking jokes, the late Gbenga Adeboye, a.k.a Jengbetíèlè once told a story of how he was on board an aircraft enroute London; and suddenly there was an engine failure mid air; thus causing vibration and rattling noise, foreboding an imminent fatal crash! According to Jengbetíèlè, every passenger suddenly moved close to God praying and supplicating to God amidst ululation, deep frenzy, apprehension and cries of anguish. But Jengbetíèlè did none of that. While shouting with loud but solo voice that he didn’t care whether the air crash occurred or not; he brought out his alcohol which he was gulping voraciously, adding that after all he neither had money in Nigeria nor overseas. He thus requested the pilot to stop bothering himself struggling with the aircraft and should rather allow it to crash once and for all in the deep sea below! However, amidst the cacophony of cries, a husky voice emerged from the business class section of the aircraft, identified as that of the business mogul, late MKO Abiola, who was unarguably the richest man in Africa then. “Pleeease, please ooo! Gbenga F-fff-Funwontan don’t let the Pilot do that ooo. Please oooo. Please. Let’s all be prayerful ooo.” Gbenga’s conclusion by his joke taught us a lesson on how the affluent and powerful men would naturally reason. According to the ace comedian, “Olówó tó r’íje-rí’mu, kìí bá’kú ta Ludo” – Oh, the translation? “A wealthy and affluent man, lacking nothing doesn’t play Ludo game with Mr. Death.” A truism. I watched Sunday Igboho’s video footages on how he left the comfort of his multiple multi-billion naira mansions, with parked varieties of posh automobiles, and went in the dangerous game of pursuing killer herders in the thick bush; walking in the scorching sun all through the night to wee hours looking fatigued with his men in the bush and frightening terrain to chase away the AK-47 gun-totting beheaders and vicious killers. Sunday Adeyemo Igboho, a stupendously wealthy man was reported as having all his children overseas, with some in schools or playing professional football. Regardless of whatever anyone may say, no one is perfect. But he has eloquently demonstrated empathy for the afflicted and altruism towards a beleaguered people. Like Alfred Lord Tennyson, an English poet would say, “Kind hearts are more than coronets.” But here lies some good lessons for our leaders. Nigeria is in dire strait because of our leaders’ propensity to descend into ambivalence and quibbling rather than act promptly on emergencies. They are unable to leave their comfort zone to defend the interest of their famished and subjugated people. Rather, they delight in placing the people under their jackboot to elevate class and social stratification above equality. Our leaders condemn fake news peddling in one breath, but misinform the people in another breath through its official organ. The worst calamity is for a man to deceive himself. Barely 72 hours after the Minister of Information and Culture boasted about the “improved” security in the country, kidnappers and gunmen were reported to have abducted 75 persons and killed 18 in different parts of the country. It was reported at the time of writing this that no fewer than 50 persons were abducted in Niger State alone when bandits struck in Shiroro Local government area of the State. Nine people were murdered in Faskari Local Government of Katsina State, while gunmen were reported to have killed 4 persons in Delta State. While groaning in pain and anguish, let our leaders continue to vacillate and feel shy to take positive actions when it matters. But like Aneurin Bevan, the 18th century politician would say: “We know what happens to people who stand in the middle of the road.” And he tells the sad consequence point blank: “They get run over” Verbum Satis Sapienti --------------------------------------------------- *Tunji Ajayi, a creative writer, author, biographer and audiovisual documentary producer writes from LC-Studios Communications, Nigeria (+2348033203115, +2348162124412) facebook.com/tunji.ajayi.946
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